I was married for 18 years, the majority of it unhappy and really only stayed for my kids (poor excuse I know). We were basically roommates for the last 10 years of the marriage. I was lonely during our marriage but never sought out another woman because I am a firm believer in being monogamous. I decided I needed to focus on me and the time I have left in this life, and with the kids grown now, we separated and I moved out and then about 6 months later we divorced.
When it was clear after separation that divorce was just a matter of when, not if, I decided to try finding companionship with OLD (Online Dating) and in person. Disasters on both fronts. OLD, as most know, is a total and complete waste of time unless you have the patience to weed through the fakes, want a traditional (marriage) relationship, are interested in a NSA encounter, are financially well to do, or you are young and virile. None of those are me.
I am VERY clear about my wants and intentions right up front and try to communicate it very clearly as not to waste anyone's time. That pretty much brings my non-fake likes/matches to zero to none most of the time.
I have NEVER had success with in person encounters, and honestly, don't have the patience anymore for the games and tediousness of dating. It's a chore rather than enjoyment at my age.
All that being said, I already enjoy my alone time, but am starting to feel like not even bothering with the opposite sex any longer. I have been very open to a LAT (Living Apart Together) relationship, but even that is difficult to find (again, OLD sites exhaust me to no end and finding a LAT women on them is like hunting for a needle in a haystack) and while I know and have talked to some women who are interested in that, they are entirely too far away to make a relationship feasible.
I pretty much have given up OLD sites completely. The handful of women I met had totally different expectations about relationships than I do, were honestly not that interesting, and quite frankly, were a waste of time. I met one who only really wanted sex to please her and after a few times was constantly needing money and if I didn't help her I wouldn't hear from her for weeks or months. Fuck that.
I found a site where you can meet women for platonic cuddling, and have done that a few times. And while that has been enjoyable and relaxing, its expensive and not really worth the money in the long run.
It's now been almost two years since I moved out and, quite frankly, I haven't missed women all that much. If I feel the need to release I take care of myself and then go about my business.
I have lots of musician friends, I perform live regularly and attend jam sessions to play/socialize. I talk to my kids, have dinner out every now and then with my youngest son who is now in college. I'm not a hermit, but I spend most of my time alone. And it's actually OK. I was sick a month back and survived it just fine. The biggest downside is I find I sleep way more than I used to. If I get bored I tend to go to bed. I plan on joining a gym so hopefully that'll help with that.
I enjoy the freedom and individualism I get from living alone, but would be lying if I didn't say, that in reality, I find times when I miss the touch, smell, and closeness of the opposite sex.
Long and short, I don't miss the sex as much as I thought I would, the cuddling is nice (a nice warm feeling I get with being close) but because it is so inconsistent (and expensive), I'd rather do without instead of yearning for it afterwards. I have no desire to actively seek a relationship with a woman. Right now, the only way I would be in any relationship is if it happens by accident. The handful of dates I have had recently have been strictly platonic.
So, guys living alone, are you content with your life and not bothering with the opposite sex? Does lack of sex bother you at all? How do you compensate for missing the companionship the opposite sex provides that your friends cannot? Does it even bother you at all?
